I was assigned a project in one of my advanced art classes late in 2019. It was to illustrate or paint a negative experience in my life. I’ve had many. Haven’t we all? Sisters and brothers, we’ve all seen the good, bad, and ugly. Usually we avoid the ugly, no? Yet here I was, forced to confront it, focus on it, and then exhibit it for the public eye.

I struggled. Lord knows how I struggled.

Do I? Should I? Do I dare? Should I risk it?

There was no direction stating how negative it must be or even that it must be a formative experience. Only negative. I could have painted how that one drive thru worker cheated me out of my favorite hot sauce the only time I couldn’t go back and demand it…..hmmmm…..so tempting.

But no. Some part of me, for some reason, clamored for attention, begging for me to put on display that which I had spent years repressing. Denying. Avoiding. It had been so many years that I had forgotten the WHY.

Why hide it? Why deny it? Why forget it? Well, not TRULY forgotten, since plenty of songs and movies could hook that baby right out of the sludge waters of Styx where I had attempted to hurl it. Hook it right out and coat all my synapses with panic. Did you know that panic can inhibit breathing?

Perhaps I didn’t pay my coin to Charon.

Even without a trigger, that memory could dredge its own way to the surface and wreak havoc upon my peace. (Thus the years of anti-anxiety meds and sleep aids, but who’s tattling?)

Over time, things dull. Objects flatten and lose their luster. As did the shiny, naked blade of this memory. I realized that I had dealt with it in many ways over the years, subconsciously, and it now needed to be addressed. Faced. And then put away.

So I embraced my clamoring insides and painted my memories.

I will explain each segment on its own, soon enough. I have included the final piece here, after previously posting the artist’s explanation (by way of poetry and music lyrics) in the post just yesterday. I must take time now and absorb the fact that I’ve publicized something which was only meant to be viewed exclusively to certain individuals.

Please view the painting from the bottom left section, where you see an X. Then follow the arrows for direction until you reach the top. And keep in mind that I’m an ’80’s child and read lots of comics. They helped me cope…