As I last stated, I would explain. First, we start where X marks the spot. Generally that is reserved for the last mark of a treasure map. Here I used it for the first. The obvious implication is that X is where the treasure is. And I was. I was there. And I was a treasure. I was an innocent, sleeping innocently in my parent’s bed as they were gone for the weekend.

Can you blame me? Their bed was the comfiest. And my room had long ago become their bathroom etc. room. In fact, it happened so long ago I can no longer recall my room there, in the corner off the porch. As I look back in my mind’s eye, at that time period, I cannot even recall where my room was, or how it was, or what it was. Perhaps it was no longer. Perhaps it was. I have no recollection.

I KNOW in my heart of hearts that many details are buried in layers of pain and denial and hurt and anger. I KNOW that so many things that I SHOULD know are lost to me forever. I have repressed so much. And I have avoided digging up so many bones. One cannot blame me.

I DO know that my room was to the left of my parents room. My window opened up to the same moon and woods and cricket sounds as theirs did.

They had a large dresser to the side of their bed. I did not.

Our windows both opened up to the woods and moonlight on the same side. We shared a hallway that ended at both of our doors. One of my windows looked upon our front porch. Their other window looked out upon the river….gilded silver in the moonlight.

All of our household doors were wooden, with many windows. And ALWAYS unlocked.

Every one of us in the house and down the lane thought, “Why should we lock them? A neighbor might come by in need…”

A neighbor indeed.

The image depicts a cartoon image of my younger self with full cheeks and healthy, curious eyes. Perhaps she heard a sound? Perhaps not. But the green background is more ominous than restful. When one watches old Disney movies or cartoons, quite often the evildoer with magic is surrounded by an evil green glow. This particular block alludes to such a thing. Although the room as I remember was peaceful and moonlit. It took many yearly rotations afterwards before I could look upon a moonlit evening with peace rather than anxiety.

Many, many yearly rotations of therapy and prayer. I don’t speak much of it, but I made much of it for so many years that it became a part of me. So natural and instinctual that I often forget to mention it. The power of prayer. The power of meditation. The power of my God.

Regardless of what you believe versus what I believe….having a belief is a strong ally. Belief in something greater than oneself can mean the difference between choosing life or choosing death.

Hush little baby, don’t say a word,

and never mind that noise you heard,

it’s just the beast under your bed,

in your closet, in your head!

Please keep reading on…